My Carphone's On The Pill

My carphone's on the pill & my girlfriends got call waiting Satan's in the bagels & my toaster's maturbating My computer has hard drive & my disc is always floppy My xerox has the runs & it won't stop shitting copies Help me

My paper wants some coffee & my mother needs recycling My fax is getting acne & it needs some tetracycline My dog is late for school & my son pissed on the floor The percolators drooling & the baby's at the store Help me

The TV's watching me & my control is in remote Grandpa's sucking carpet & the vacuum stole my coat The birds are smoking cocaine & my son lives in a nest My daughter just got neutered & my cat just got fake breasts Help me

Yeah TV rules the house now, Mr Cartwright is the boss Ginger's kissing Mary Ann & I'm in love with Hoss Thurston Howell the 3rd is lusting after Mary Tyler.... More is always less & Mr. Douglas is a styler Green Acres is the place to be, that Eb is such a dork: He hit Arnold the pig & so tonite we're eating pork Help me

My coffee lost it's dentures & my father needs re heating My wife is always empty & the fridge is always eating The dust pan's playing marbles & the kids are in the sink The heater won't quit farting & my mental health it stinks Help me

My car went to the movies & I'm locked in my garage My bathroom went to art school, now I piss in a collage My blender stole my credit cards & bought some fancy duds Everyone has Patriot's, but all I have is scuds Help me

My carphone's on the pill & my girlfriend's got call waiting Satan's in the bagels & my toaster's masturbating Help me please

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© Steve Poltz