"Don't" Refrain: 

GA7 
Don't pick up hitchhiker Joe 
C5d 
He'll slit your throat & cut off your big toe (I tell you) 
GA7 
He'll make you smile from ear to ear 
C5D 
Gonna lock you in a trunk for ninety nine years 
Don't do it now 

"Bum" Refrain: 

                         G                                A7 
                    . . . bum  bum  bum  bum  bum 
                           C5                            G 
 Bum  bum  bum  bum  bum  bum bum  bum 
                         G                                A7 
                    . . . bum  bum  bum  bum  bum 
                           C5                            G 
 Bum  bum  bum  bum  bum  bum bum  bum 

D                    Em 
I had a cousin, came from Vermont 
C                               G 
Next thing I know that cousin was gone 
D                                             Em 
Truckdriver saw him picking up hitchhiker Joe 
             C                                   D 
Now his spleen's on the sidewalk helping the flowers grow 

"Don't" Refrain 
"Bum" Refrain 

Em                             C 
Hitchhiker Joe ain't no vegetarian 
          Em                              C 
If you see him on the highway steer clear of him 
              F                             C 
He got a knife in his sock & a razor up his sleeve 
       F                                        C 
& a chainsaw in his pack & he's gonna make you bleed 
Yeah yeah 

"Bum" Refrain 

My girlfriend Lois called from Tallahasee 
She picked up that dude at the Spam factory 
That was the last time that I saw her smile 
My best advice is don't eat Spam for a while 

"Don't" Refrain 
"Bum" Refrain repeat & ad lib