D                      G                D           G  D 
On Christmas it's so hard to find cocaine 
D                           G                     D        G  D 
Now it seems that I can't get out of bed 
A 
All those dickheads in their white shirts 
           D    D       D       G                   D 
On my TV saying please don't drink & drive 
                A                                           D            G             D 
Well that's pretty good advice cause you just might spill your drink

D                     G                       D            G  D
Christmas is the time for stealing presents 
D                    G                               D       G  D 
Out from underneath your neighbours tree 
A 
Looks like little Johnny Just won't get his 
D           D         G      D 
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle 
          A                                             D      G           D 
Well I better wear a rubber cause that turtle might be fertile

     D                  G                          D                G  D 
Today I think I'll screw my brothers girlfriend 
D              G                  D         G  D 
All he ever does is go to work 
A 
When he goes downtown to buy the 
D             D            G          D 
Dead bird who's the fucking turkey

D G                 D                 G  D 
I   hate fucking Christmas